2 ways to know you're not delusional

I recently had a very disturbing conversation with my friend... or to be precise, a 'friend'. I could very well be hallucinating a lot of events and people in my life.

Before I proceed, this is NOT some emo nutcase post, that because of certain events in my life, I have turned into an emo nutcase, unlike some fucking asshole who spread that I started smoking after falling into depression - I do not smoke, and I was never depressed. Fuck you, asshole who spread this rumour. No surprises why I treat you this way.

I was having dinner with a friend one night. I decided to stir some shit by convincing him that his girlfriend is an imaginary person coz I've never seen her before. Also, that she is actually a female manifestation of this other close friend of his. So he actually loves this guy friend, and when he is dating his girlfriend, he's actually snuggling it out with this guy, perceiving that he is a girl.

Even he was convinced that it could be true!

Imagine a guy thinks he's hugging a girl and stuff, then he receives a text message from the girl asking "Why haven't you reply my SMS for so long?". And then he wonders, "Am I not snuggling with this girl?" He looks up and sees a hairy Indian man in front of him, lips pursed to receive a kiss.

***cue Black Swan music "Perfection"***

YUCK!

Faggots!

...but then, an incidental question arose. How do I know that the friend I'm having this conversation with is real? How do I know I'm not delusional? I could just have been sitting there eating alone and talking to thin air!

I think I'm sitting with somebody...

But I'm actually sitting alone...

Freaky.

The subconscious is powerful enough to maintain and utilize random pieces of information to create an elaborate perceived reality for your mind. Think Fight Club.

So, after convincing myself that I could be delusional, I've thought of 2 tests to determine it.

#1 Find memories that you would never know but for that alleged imaginary friend. This could indicate that your friend is real

Recall any place that you would not find by yourself, but only if that imaginary friend brought you there. Recall any piece of information that you would not know by yourself, like some random case or a point of law in an area of law that you have never read before, which your imaginary friend told you. The fact that you know these things which you by yourself would not discover is indicative that your imaginary friend is indeed real.

E.g. my imaginary friend once brought me to a random mamak stall in a random HDB estate. Since our walk there was direct and purposive, not one of random adventure bashing through the HDB estate, it is a strong indication that my imaginary friend is indeed a real person.

No way my subconscious can navigate through that to find a particular mamak stall.

#2 In doubt, bring your imaginary friend to gatherings with other friends.

If you have a friend that only you know of, you may find yourself squarely in the delusional category. You may dispel this by introducing your imaginary friend to a group of friends. If you are not delusional, then the group would indeed see your friend. If you are delusional, it is highly likely that someone in the group would tell you that you are a nutcase. The bigger the group, the better.

This is probably why someone put his girlfriend on the phone, just to show to others that she exists and can speak fluent English. 

This is however contingent on the fact that you do have other friends who are real too...

My 'girlfriend' says she doesn't like you, dude.

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Okay, gtg. Next blog post will be about my nightmare that I was nearly a HUMAN CENTIPEDE! In the meanwhile, the guy in the mirror is waving and smiling at me. Will go chat with him.