So why do this? Simple. How can we trust our parents, some of whom work for the government, when they can't even tell their kids the truth? It starts from home.
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PARENTS DIARY
Throughout our childhood lives, we were led to believe that Santa Claus really exists, while the Tooth Fairy is actually our parents putting money under our pillow. This conspiracy must be put to an end. We believe this needs to change.
LEAK #1: Santa Claus' real identity
 |
| "Luke, I am not your father" |
Source: Wikileak stalke... I mean, Professional Private Investigator
Date: 24 December 2002
Location: Undisclosed neighbourhood in the USA
Audio log start
2351hrs: Approaching target. Target in sight. Mounting night vision stalke.. I mean telescope. Scouting the dark skies over this neighbourhood for a man in red and reindeers. In the meanwhile, I shall just take a little peek at that family.
2352hrs: I see the kid's bedroom lights turned off. Father and mother walk into the hallway. Approaching staircase. Walks down.
2354hrs: Still no sign of Santa Claus in the sky.
2356hrs: Mother enters store room. Takes out a black bag. Sets it by the Christmas tree. Father joins her.
2358hrs: Still no sign of Santa Claus. Hmph.. maybe he's busy with another neighbourhod.
2359hrs: HEY, WHAT ARE THE MOTHER AND FATHER DOING?! They're taking gifts out of the black bag and putting them into the Christmas stockings lined along the Christmas tree! That's not for them to do! That's Santa's job!
0000hrs: Midnight. Still no sign of Santa Claus and his rein deers.
0002hrs: I'm receiving similar observations from the household beside. Wait, there, and there, and there! Hold on, it's the entire neighbourhood!
0003hrs: Oh. My. Gosh. Santa Claus doesn't exist. PARENTS are the ones who put those gifts into the Christmas sock. The world must know about this.
0054hrs: Does this mean that the gifts I received when I was a kid was never by Santa Claus too? -sobs-
0212hrs: Hi Boss Man. Hey it's me. I got new surveillance. The Santa Clause task that you gave me, yeah. Got video footage that Santa Claus is actually PARENTS. This global hoax must come to light. The rumour that Santa Claus rides his rein deers to houses, slides down chimneys and all IS A HOAX. By the way, remember to use a condom when you sleep with that Swedish girl.
LEAK #2: Tooth Fairy's real identity
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| "I am real. But sometimes I work late at the office, sometimes I'm male, sometimes I'm female" |
Date: Circa 2001
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Audio stalk... I mean, audio log, starts:
Little girl: How come whenever my tooth drop and when I put it under my pillow, the next morning I have money?
Mother: The tooth fairy - who else?
Little girl: Hmph... but how come it coincides with the time that Pa is back home? When he goes back to UK, I don't get money.
Mother: Maybe because the Tooth Fairy has to give money to Pa's fallen tooth also... The Tooth Fairy has to travel a lot
Little girl: Oh... I thought the Tooth Fairy was Pa.
Mother: No lah...
REPORT: My initial suspicion that the Tooth Fairy was the father of this family has been proven wrong. Based on the mother's revelations, it is true that the Tooth Fairy really exists, and that it could only be at one place at any one time. The world ought to know this.
NOTE TO BOSS MAN: The world gotta know about this man... The Tooth Fairy is REAL. The rumour that it is actually our parents IS A HOAX. By the way, remember to use a condom when you sleep with that Swedish girl.
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Spread these stories to everyone else! The truth must prevail! How can the government expect us to trust them when they as parents can't even tell the kids the truth!
KEEP THEM STRONG!
They need all the help they can get.
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